Just thinking about Hellboy attending Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry is anxiety-inducing for any educator. You think the Weasley twins and Harry Potter stirred up enough shenanigans? At least they didn’t blast down any of the castle walls or shoot any of the dragons at the Triwizard Tournament with Big Baby.
Still, there’s something incredibly fun about imagining HB, Liz Sherman, Abe Sapien and the rest of the Bureau of Paranormal Research and Defense all attending Hogwarts together, maybe as part of their defensive training or maybe to learn a bit of magic, which should come in handy up against Anubis, Baba Yaga and Hitler himself.
Hellboy: Gryffindor
Those who think this half-demon, half-human being belongs to Slytherin just because of his heritage simply haven’t met him. HB is the kind of person to charge right in without thinking, with either his five-fingered Mary or gun pointed ahead for the sake of the adventure. He will take on just about anyone by the seat of his pants, not only to get the job done but for the glory of it all.
Movie-Hellboy isn’t supposed to be seen or heard by people, but he’s dying for the recognition he deserves for doing a job well done. Comic-HB can be much lazier at times, but he’s just as fearless and willing to charge a monster at any moment’s notice.
Liz Sherman: Hufflepuff
Liz is a harder person to place: sometimes the lure of her powers consumes her, much like a Slytherin, and she’s proven herself to be the bravest person in the room, often the only one who can save everyone, like a Gryffindor. She’s one of the most introspective people on the team, a true Ravenclaw quality, but it’s her loyalty and dedication to not only the BPRD but the human race that makes Liz a Hufflepuff.
Liz is constantly exiling herself from the Bureau for causing damage that she did not mean to cause with her pyrokinesis, yet she always returns because she’s either needed or finds herself doing the same outside the B.P.R.D. This makes her one of the most torn people in the entire Hellboy universe.
Abe Sapien: Ravenclaw
There’s no doubt that Abe is a Ravenclaw to the core. Why else would David Hyde Pierce voice the character? In all seriousness, Abe finds the pursuit of knowledge to be one of the most worthwhile uses of his time. He wasn’t only a Victorian scientist in his previous life, but an empath, thereby making him a master of both intellectual and emotional intelligence.
Abe definitely does have qualities from other houses, such as his incredible hand-to-hand combat abilities, particularly those underwater, in the comic books, but Ravenclaw is where he would be best suited and most happy.
Agent Manning: Slytherin
Duplicitous Agent Thomas Manning is one heck of a Slytherin, duping the American people at large on national television to keep Hellboy a secret while simultaneously bribing and shaming Hellboy to do what he wants. In the comics, he had a bomb put into someone’s chest to purposefully go off should the person become hostile, but he did later admit that it wasn’t his call.
Comic-Manning isn’t nearly as prideful and cruel as movie-Manning, but he definitely struggles between being a leader and following the orders of his superiors. Movie-manning is all about his own selfish desires.
Agent Myers: Slytherin
Another B.P.R.D. agent who likely belongs in Slytherin House is John Myers, an audience surrogate created for the first del Toro Hellboy film. Myers comes off as a “Boy Scout” at times, making him appear to be a loyal Hufflepuff, but he makes his true intentions known when he seeks out Liz Sherman, with whom he becomes interested in upon seeing her with Hellboy.
Not only does Myers know that his charge is already in love with Liz, but he also knows that she’s self-committed into a facility and doesn’t want to return to the B.P.R.D. He doesn’t care. He sees her, wants her and pursues her, all for naught.
Johann Kraus
More likable in the comics than in his film role in Hellboy 2: The Golden Army, Johann Kraus is a Ravenclaw who pursues knowledge not only through academic pursuits, but through psychic ones, which might make him good friends with Luna Lovegood as a student. Kraus speaks multiple languages and is very organized, so the Ravenclaw House would help him flourish and become a better agent.
Like the other agents, Kraus does have multiple abilities that could place him in other houses, most notably his well-liked personality and great interpersonal skills, which might make him suitable for Hufflepuff as well.
Professor Broom: Ravenclaw
Professor Trevor Bruttenholm walks a fine line between the Ravenclaw and Slytherin Houses, depending on which incarnation is being presented. John Hurt’s Broom is almost all Ravenclaw, while Ian McShane’s is much more Slytherin-prone. When comic–Bruttenholm is averaged with his film counterparts, he is mostly a Ravenclaw at heart.
The academic doctor is an occult expert who graduated from Oxford University. He’s the reason why Hellboy wasn’t destroyed on sight, and while his motive could be chalked up to fatherly instinct, it was also out of his keen intellect: he knew there was more to the demon child than meets the eye.
Ben Daimio: Gryffindor
Militaristic Ben Daimio was a Marine in a past life before he was taken out and cursed with shape-shifting abilities, and it’s an experience that still guides him when he works for the B.P.R.D. Blunt, direct and always acting with a preference of action and force rather than diplomacy, Daimio is a Gryffindor.
Daimio doesn’t care about his looks or his own safety, as he has often demonstrated, and it would appear that he’s never sought out reconstructive surgery after his attack that left him without an ear. His were-jaguar form is much more sinister in the comics, resulting in the loss of many agents, which leaves him with heavy guilt.
Alice Monaghan: Gryffindor
In the Hellboy reboot, Alice is a gutsy young woman who always wants to be along for the ride, even at great personal danger. The psychic is snarky and funny, and if developed in a better film, could be a really cool addition to the B.P.R.D. As it stands, she’s a Gryffindor who risks her life to help Hellboy, who helped her as an infant.
In the comics, the Irish woman, who always appeared to have not aged much due to her time among the fairies, took up the duty as fairy protector after Nimue took out Queen Mab, choosing to remain with the fae.
Kate Corrigan: Ravenclaw
One of the biggest losses of the Hellboy films was the lack of Kate Corrigan, one of Red’s closest friends and the most practical, wise person on the team. An academic at heart, Dr. Corrigan is a history professor who begins as a consultant for the B.P.R.D. The author of over a dozen books on the occult, Corrigan is a huge asset to the team, but she doesn’t want to get into the field.
Ultimately it’s Hellboy who convinces his friend to join the team in field operations, which takes ten years for him to do, and she is shaken upon seeing him in action. She’s still quite gutsy and comes in handy in action, as fans have seen when she’s appeared in the Hellboy animated features.
